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Shadow Aspect of Courage

Speaking to the The Aspect of Courage .......

How are you?


Courage speaking ........"I have been in so much process for the last couple of days. Almost feeling to run from life ...run from you cause you don't listen."


I don't know what this is? Ummmm....running from myself and what I need to face ?


I have been tossing and can't sleep for the last 3 hours ...thinking about my life. I hate it.

This job that is all consuming and not leaving me time for balance...

Had to cancel Accupuncture (self care) last evening ....because I was at work dealing with bs employee crap with employees that don't want to work and create drama. Projecting their pain and fears and not doing the work on themselves and not knowing how yet. Very low vibration which is draining no matter how much protection I place on myself. The medical system and the way we care for the elderly is not working anymore. They need to add integration into platforms and be more open.


Got home fustrated, and feeling lonely honestly ....


When my only wish is to have someone to talk to....share and hug. New soul tribe, new freedom, and new places to go. I am going to manifest this I tell you. If only the aspect of courage would speak to me and tell me why it is so hard to make a move in my life now......


I don't ask the divine for much ...and am constantly giving to others everyday. Maybe there is something lurking in the backround, that I can not energetically see? I keep calling in the aspect of courage for me to see.


Yesterday ...I prayed a lot. Set a lot of new intentions.


As I reflected, I thought about my beliefs I have created around love ...what beliefs my parents shared and programmed me with. What projections from society came into my field....and what my past lives showed me about love. It was so much to digest in one sitting for sure.


Courage finally started to speak. I was ready to listen...


What I thought love was and the conditions we create to feel safe and in control ...

That control and love were one in the same with my parents .


My fathers hard beliefs and programming which I thought were mine and were not. My mothers sweet smile, heart of compassion and fear to speak up and defend when needed was somewhat mine, but not mine.


What I started to see is what I believed about love, control in order to feel safe, and telling others what to do beacuse I thought I knew better so I feel good inside.


All these gurus" say we are love ...we are light- but, wait what about the dark? I feel like we are all of it and how can anyone tell us what we are or not anyway. Dont we need balance of both?


We came from love and can never be anything else...but what happens when the dark shows its face in the times of adversity?


I am still trying to comprehend this. No one ever had answers...just wanted to sell me another healing.


Maybe - I need to look at my selfishness , ego aspect ways and how the aspects manipulate situations to work for me. Maybe the little aspect of myself need love too and had something to say!


One of the stronger aspects of mine was "Force" ......he is a little fierce one with a red hat to show me he is in charge. Try that on and imagine what life is like with someone always telling you to do it, force it, get them out of the way, and push your way through no matter what!


It's hard!!!!


I have trust issues ...because there were times my intuition told me the right thing to do and I didn't listen ...I chose another way.

Courage says, "It's okay."

Courage says, "You can change."

Courage says, "Keep going- maybe take another road."

Courage says, "Leave the job, it's taking your life force energy."

Courage says, "Speak up and don't dumb down for anyone."

Courage says, "You will be provided for."

Courage says, "You will make new friends, deeper connections when you join new groups."

"It is okay to leave friends that no longer serve you or use you for their benefit."

Courage says, "Say yes."

Courage says, "Start the business."

Courage says, "Run towards me, and listen to me."

Courage says, "It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it and I have your back."

Courage says, "It's healthy to be real, be you, be authentic and take the mask off. They have been waiting for this."


I just sat there - listening...then my heart started to speak. All I could think was ...here we go again.


Relationships are not the same anymore - I am not the same ...


I am growing and evolving into someone I don’t know anymore ....

She’s unfamiliar , and a bit afraid to explore deeper, and those darker parts of self.


I miss being related to others and yet I self -isolate ...kind of drift into my own world ....

my fantasy world is peaceful ...there is no pain or upset. I don't have to risk and don't have to place myself out there to get hurt.


Is this happening when life is uncertain and we crave certainty?


Is this because we need to do these things so we process?


I promised myself I would share -stay open.


This is one of those times ..it's 3am going to make coffee and go into work

Maybe ...this is a pivot point to shift myself to a new world...a new me.


Moving right into the new me, hit every goal I have had since 2016 that is still sitting in a book someplace under the f--- bed, books in notebooks, healing keycodes, a legend unwritten, my therapy notes I created into a platform to help people with trauma, my shadow - do the workbook, 2 self affirmation decks I created, conscious connections game, etc.



Courage here I come.....l feel angry at myself for always getting in my own way — on some level I feel you understand.


I want to be celebrating more...and have someone to share these moments with . That’s the truth...it’s transparency is what I call it.


Just need a little more courage ....right? What's your aspect saying?


Love over Fear,


Joann



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